A few months ago after going through some yet more ‘dry-times’, running on empty and exploring my own place in the ‘great plan’. I went back to my journals and started digging entries and pouring some more of my soul into the paper again. It was then I posted a few things online too which ‘alarmed’ some of my Christian Friends. In one particular post I wrote the following on my facebook page:

“I never thought I’d get sick of being Christian.

It was triggered after watching some stupid comments made on a very well known Christian TV channel. (I don’t usually watch them) The post generated a few good conversation and I spent many evenings at the pub with friends – Christians and non Christian alike, exploring our journeys, our faith and what now questions. Obviously, my Facebook post carried much more than a sense of discontentment, I had a whole story and this is just a tiny bit of it.

Growing up with my aunty in the South Brasil made me practically an automatic born again Christian. I didn’t know anything different! I was raised as a Christian, nurtured in church and Sunday school. If there were anything happening at our little church, oh, we would most definitely know about it! I attended the special meetings, the singspiration times, the long Bible studies at different houses, the summer Bible schools -I was there in all of them! We read our Bible every day, we were encouraged to constantly pray, evangelise the lost souls, and I could sing all the old hymns by heart. I was then an assistant youth leader, then a ‘missionary’ to the Amazon, a teacher and a preacher. My friends and family all gave me plenty of pats on the back and told me I was on the right track, I had their approval.

Trouble was, they all forgot to tell me I was still growing up and many of the things I grew accustomed with would eventually be questioned. They would have plenty to explain; some things would be easy to do so, while other things, however, would require much more than just friendliness – they would have to know what they were talking about or else this guy would be walking out on them! I had way too many familiar trappings to deal with in Christianity – and to start questioning now would not be a comfortable thing to do and however much I liked comfort, I realised, this had to be done!

At that point, my mind and I had an agreement that this was good – to question! I knew I wasn’t backsliding. Although, many times I thought so, I knew, Satan wasn’t tempting me either. I was discouraged many times but I knew, I would conquer the emotional drain, that I would eventually turn around, that things would go back to be as they were – but I still needed answers.

It took me a lot of courage but I ended up leaving my comfort, the familiarity, my family. I had to go solo, I needed to explore, I had to find things for myself and as things really were not just a bunch of second-hand information. I wanted to know if there was really a difference between religion and relationship. I read a book once in which the author had a similar experience exploring my same questions. It was refreshing to know he had found something more and that the things and activities he had also done in the past could be redeemed. Talk about relief – both for him and for me seeking answers.

I’m still in the middle of such learning and explorations – I do, however, have a much deeper sense of being normal in this journey and that God is much more interested in our own true experiences than the trappings of religion. Just this morning as I write this, I got an email with a blog post that probably communicates what I mean in much more clearer forms. I will post it here on the blog soon but here is an excerpt:

The professor and his female student chatting as they walk:

Talking for some time about her family situation we turned to other areas of her life. When she reached spiritual matters we had the following exchange:

“I need to spend more time working on my relationship with God.”
I responded, “Why would you want to do that?”
Startled she says, “What do you mean?”
“Well, why would you want to spend any time at all on working on your relationship with God?”
“Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?”
“Let me answer by asking you a question. Can you think of anyone, right now, to whom you need to apologize? Anyone you’ve wronged?”
She thinks and answers, “Yes.”
“Well, why don’t you give them a call today and ask for their forgiveness. That might be a better use of your time than working on your relationship with God.”

[ I will post the blog in here soon ]